April 30, 2017
Sooo...my children. By this time you all feel like my children and your mother and I are very blessed. Jon, Lydia, Pat, Kyle, Laura and Jon… and soom to be a grandchild. Perhaps the first of many, perhaps just the first but no matter what a blessing. Life has been so kind to us so far and although I dont really feel like I have anything to share with you with these notes… some things occurr to me when I realize how important they have been in formulating whatever it is that I am. Maslows hierarchy of need is just so true and as all the basic needs are met it allowed me to at least think about how to be better. How to become more fully actualized… how to lead a life that is meaningful, at least to me.
I think I have written before of the formative effects of church and community and the shaping… glacial… evolutoionary shaping that comes from hearing the Gospel almost every week of my coherent (unless I was hung over) life. I think, and if I have not covered these things I apologize, I focused on that community aspect which is huge and which leaves me thinking today about the importance of place.
Even the easiest of lives is hard. It is hard to keep your shit together. It is hard to find meaning and purpose. It is hard to make sense of things especially when you realize your brokeneness. You realize that you are just barely making it. Barely holding on. Living on the edge, but you dont even know the edge of what. So what has helped me and I think helps a lot of people who survive and thrive is place… the importance of place. Where are you? Where do you have to go? What are your places? You are always somewhere but being aware of your place, and being present there… it means something.
Third place - Wikipedia
Here is a good article explaining the concept:
http://www.embracetheplace.com/wp-content/themes/EtP%20Theme/docs/3thirdplaces.pdf
I dont know which one to start with but there are a couple which have made a difference in my life. A couple of places which have shetlered me, sustained me and… well, kept me.
Home
Work
Church
Camp Arcadia
Bars
Those are the ones I can think of, but so what and why?
I think Home needs to be the most important one because home is where you spend at least ⅓ of your life. Sleeping, eating and being family...stuck together family...living together family, messy family. Family can be hard but somehow, so far, we made home a good place. Now I am speaking for me personally. Not your mother and certainly not any of you but for me, most of the time home was a safe place where I could regroup, rest, and even if “busy” go out refreshed and ready to face the world. Sometimes your mom and I would be having issues. Sometimes we would not speak of them and they...festered. But for the most part, at least in my memory we worked through stuff in a way that we respected each other and tried to keep a house where the other could be safe emotionally and otherwise. 
Mistakes were made. We tried, and sometimes failed but we tried to be nice to one another and you guys seemed to pick up on that either through instinct or fear> There were a few years before Pat and mom figured out that they were Pat and mom that were tough to come home and there were certainly times when I didnt like who I was and didnt want to come home but...generally, home was safe and home was a touchstone. It was Our home. It was my home. I had a say in the rules and how things got done. Not always the biggest say, but I had a partner in your mother who always tried to make decisions based on what she judged I would like AND what she judged would be good for me. Fortunately for me, she was pretty good at it. Then, eventually home became a place to gather, enjoy each other... do family shots!
Mistakes were made. We tried, and sometimes failed but we tried to be nice to one another and you guys seemed to pick up on that either through instinct or fear> There were a few years before Pat and mom figured out that they were Pat and mom that were tough to come home and there were certainly times when I didnt like who I was and didnt want to come home but...generally, home was safe and home was a touchstone. It was Our home. It was my home. I had a say in the rules and how things got done. Not always the biggest say, but I had a partner in your mother who always tried to make decisions based on what she judged I would like AND what she judged would be good for me. Fortunately for me, she was pretty good at it. Then, eventually home became a place to gather, enjoy each other... do family shots!
Church
Bars
Work
Camp Arcadia
St. Louis
What I am saying is that you need a number of places. The reason you need more than one is that sometimes one of your places is not working. Sometimes one place that was safe and was nurturing becomes… tainted. During those times you need to withdraw to others. To keep yourself strong and to think and evaluate what is going wrong or what went wrong at one of your other places. It is hard to figure out how you might be able to fix it unless you have a place where you are loved, where you are accepted… to make it work. St. Louis is not a bad place... or a good place but for now it is my place and perhaps still our place, but eventually, our place is going to be wherever you are or whoever you want us to be.
