The Importance Of Place

April 30, 2017

Sooo...my children.  By this time you all feel like my children and your mother and I are very blessed.  Jon, Lydia, Pat, Kyle, Laura and Jon… and soom to be a grandchild.  Perhaps the first of many, perhaps just the first but no matter what a blessing.  Life has been so kind to us so far and although I dont really feel like I have anything to share with you with these notes… some things occurr to me when I realize how important they have been in formulating whatever it is that I am.  Maslows hierarchy of need is just so true and as all the basic needs are met it allowed me to at least think about how to be better.  How to become more fully actualized… how to lead a life that is meaningful, at least to me.

I think I have written before of the formative effects of church and community and the shaping… glacial… evolutoionary shaping that comes from hearing the Gospel almost every week of my coherent (unless I was hung over) life.  I think, and if I have not covered these things I apologize, I focused on that community aspect which is huge and which leaves me thinking today about the importance of place.

Even the easiest of lives is hard.  It is hard to keep your shit together.  It is hard to find meaning and purpose.  It is hard to make sense of things especially when you realize your brokeneness.  You realize that you are just barely making it.  Barely holding on.  Living on the edge, but you dont even know the edge of what.  So what has helped me and I think helps a lot of people who survive and thrive is place… the importance of place.  Where are you?  Where do you have to go?  What are your places?  You are always somewhere but being aware of your place, and being present there… it means something.

"In community building, the third place (or thirdspace) is the social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home ("first place") and the office ("second place"). Examples of third places would be environments such as cafes, clubs, public libraries, or parks."

Third place - Wikipedia

Here is a good article explaining the concept:

http://www.embracetheplace.com/wp-content/themes/EtP%20Theme/docs/3thirdplaces.pdf

I dont know which one to start with but there are a couple which have made a difference in my life.  A couple of places which have shetlered me, sustained me and… well, kept me.  

Home

Work

Church

Camp Arcadia

Bars

Those are the ones I can think of, but so what and why?  

I think Home needs to be the most important one because home is where you spend at least ⅓ of your life.  Sleeping, eating and being family...stuck together family...living together family, messy family.  Family can be hard but somehow, so far, we made home a good place.  Now I am speaking for me personally.  Not your mother and certainly not any of you but for me, most of the time home was a safe place where I could regroup, rest, and even if “busy” go out refreshed and ready to face the world.  Sometimes your mom and I would be having issues.  Sometimes we would not speak of them and they...festered. But for the most part, at least in my memory we worked through stuff in a way that we respected each other and tried to keep a house where the other could be safe emotionally and otherwise.  Mistakes were made.  We tried, and sometimes failed but we tried to be nice to one another and you guys seemed to pick up on that either through instinct or fear>  There were a few years before Pat and mom figured out that they were Pat and mom that were tough to come home and there were certainly times when I didnt like who I was and didnt want to come home but...generally, home was safe and home was a touchstone.  It was Our home.  It was my home.  I had a say in the rules and how things got done.  Not always the biggest say, but I had a partner in your mother who always tried to make decisions based on what she judged I would like AND what she judged would be good for me.  Fortunately for me, she was pretty good at it. Then, eventually home became a place to gather, enjoy each other... do family shots!

Church

Bars

Work

Camp Arcadia

St. Louis

What I am saying is that you need a number of places.  The reason you need more than one is that sometimes one of your places is not working.  Sometimes one place that was safe and was nurturing becomes… tainted.  During those times you need to withdraw to others.  To keep yourself strong and to think and evaluate what is going wrong or what went wrong at one of your other places.  It is hard to figure out how you might be able to fix it unless you have a place where you are loved, where you are accepted… to make it work. St. Louis is not a bad place... or a good place but for now it is my place and perhaps still our place, but eventually, our place is going to be wherever you are or whoever you want us to be.

Making Spaghetti

Soooo...Important things...Spaghetti.  Cooking food is important.  If you can learn to cook a few things for a group of people you can bring people together and it feels...religious in a lot of ways.  Everyone likes to eat good food.  People like it even more when they don't have to cook (especially women) and generally everyone loves to be served.  For men it is kind of an expectation that you will learn to master the grill.  This is bullshit macho stuff but learn how to cook a steak and make a burger and perhaps bratwurst and if you can figure out how to Bar B Q boneless chicken bread without it being dry as dirt, you are a better man than I am.

I like to cook.  None of you seem to have the propensity (maybe Laura) but you should at least (even in this carryout culture) develop the ability to cook a few things when you entertain, if nothing else to take the pressure off of your spouse.  For this purpose I give you "spaghetti".  Learn how to cook it and add a loaf of decent bread and simple salad and you have this thing we call dinner.

1.  Find A Sauce:  For years I just made it with Ragu.  It is cheap and widely available.  I would add a  can of Busch to it and perhaps some garlic and an onion but... there are so many good sauces now i recommend you ask someone at a store or Italian market what their favorite is and sample a few.  I have fallen in love with "3 Brothers".  You can buy it at Vivianos.  It is a little sweeter than I think I formerly liked but it is well seasoned and does not need to be doctored.  That being said, cut up half an onion and press a clove or two of garlic in it because garlic and onion always make everything better.


2.  Get some noodles.  I have tried all kinds of specialty pasta.  For spaghetti you don't need it.  Buy cheap pasta, whatever the store brand is.  Don't go too thin with the angel hair but for spaghetti you don't need to buy craft pasta or make your own.

3.  Get some protein.  I recommend spicy salsizza from Vivianos on The Hill but really any italian sausage is fine.  If you cannot find that feel free to use hamburger but no matter what protein you use, fry it up in a black cast iron skillet and really car maize the meet.  When it starts to brown cut up 1/2 a white onion with it.

http://www.vivianosmarket.com/grocery.html

4.  Get some kick ass Reggiano Parmesan.  I am sure there are better and worse Parmesan's but the grocery store alway has decent ones now.  Get a small block of it and grate it out fine or buy some decent park that has been grated for you but in all cases try and stay away from Kraft and store brands and that poisonous powder stuff.


So, heat the sauce. If there is sauce stuck in the jar put a mouthful of beer in the jar and swish it around.  Bring to a boil quickly and then set on lowest possible heat.  Consider cutting up 1/2 an onion and another pressed clove of garlic in it.  Stir it occasionally but pretty much leave it alone.  Minimum 1/2 hour simmering.

Brown the meat and as I said, caramelize it thoroughly.  Add the onion and garlic after it is starting to brown and I recommend a heat slightly higher than medium.  Once thoroughly browned set it aside and cook your pasta.

I am a shitty pasta cook.  I always mis-estimate how many noodles we need.  Your mother believes that since it is so inexpensive that you should always make the whole package so... get a large pot (the noodles will overwhelm anything else) and bring the water to a high rolling boil.  Throw in a small handful of kosher salt.  Cook it at least 20 minutes.  Start tasting it for toughness after 15 minutes.

When spaghetti is done, drain it in a collendar and rinse it with cold water.  dump it in a large bow and dump about 1/2 of the sauce on it and mix it thoroughly.  Put the meat, the pasta and the rest of the sauce on the table in separate containers to be passed.  Passing is an essential part of eating.  Even though we never had a problem with talking it forces a certain amount of conversation and that is key.  This is easy and it can be fun.  You can do it in an hour to an hour and a half.

NCAA Karnage!

Soooo.... this is like... a nightmare. It is 5:45 CST and as near as I can figure out I am at best 4/7 and at worst 4/8... on my best brackets. I jut got off the phone and was informed that one of my sons brackets... where he just copied the picks of one Barrack HUSSEIN Obama were 7/8. How does this make me feel? Butler won. I love them but I split my picks. I love the Richmond Spiders but I was "smart" and went for Vandy. What is the matter with me? Why is God angry with me? I have no answers for these or any other questions. People kept tweeting and texting and emailing me...mocking me! I need people to make fun of me? Louisville loses to Moorhead State? Really? How much does Rick Pitino suck? How could that happen. He has 12 stallions who are 6'9" running the court and he gets beaten by Moorhead State. It was a great game. It was great too seeing Kentucky be pressed by Princeton. I in my Yoda like wisdom said that Duke, Kansas and Ohio State were far above anything else in the field and that anyone could win. But did I listen to me?

NO!

So tonight....Mizzou...if I can stay awake. BYU and Jimmer Fredette? If I had another child I would definitely name him Jimmer. Who is with me?

Kukla I discovered, had flown his wife and daughter back from Mexico (drug mules) and surprisingly his car burst into flames on highway 270. I think we need a serious pause before we pay him for ANY brackets... especially mine. The picture above is an actual picture of the Kukla car in flames. If any of you saw the movie Casino... you know how this happens.

More later...perhaps...unless I fall asleep or pass away from simple depression over my poor picks. Can people die from that?

Creeds, Why?

Gary Wills wrote a book called "Why I Am Catholic" and it was really interesting. He give a brief (jaded) history of the Papacy and got a little into doctrine but more then anything, he was a Catholic because of the Creeds. Lutherans are a lot like Catholics. We are a creedal church. Our three main creeds are the Niscene, The Athenasian and The Apostle's Creed:
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Maker of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
born of the virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried;

He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead;

He ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Ghost;
the holy catholic church;
the communion of saints;
the forgiveness of sins;
the resurrection of the body;
and the life everlasting.

This, this is good stuff and it is what we say we believe. These are what we lay out as essential truths. This is the PRIMARY and EVERYDAY creed of our church and likely in Christianity. There are non creedal and anti creedal Christians. Conservative Christians who stat that the only creed is the Bible and that the creeds are just man made and bound to distract from the truth of the Bible but, I disagree. We need creeds. We need essential truths. We need to profess our faith in a clear succinct way. But my faith waivers. There are eternal truths here and doctrinal truths here but what do I either believe, or believe it is important to believe. So my condensed creed would go something like this:

I believe in God the Father, the creator.
I believe in Jesus Christ
Who came and was sacrificed for sins
And then rose again and defeated sin, death and the power of the devil, and the power of evil men.

I believe that I cannot come to faith but that God through the Holy Spirit brought me to faith.

I believe that because of Christ's sacrifice I am forgiven for my sins.

I believe I will live in heaven with God forever.

Amen

***
These are the things I think I should believe. Lots of times I do but I think it is good to consider what you believe, and why but I think for me, at 48, this is it.

Go To Church!

I write this as the three of you are 16 (almost 17), 20 and 22 respectively. Our church family has made a great deal of difference to our family over the years and help stabilize and center our family. I fear the value of it is lost and worry that you will not come to enjoy the value of a church family.

Make no mistake. Organized religion (and unorganized religion) is at best a necessary evil. That might be grist for a future memo. The failures of the people who head up and run the church are no reason to casually absent yourself from Church. When your mom and I grew up and reached college, the church had nothing to offer us. I was lucky enough to marry a woman who understood (intuitively I think) that we needed to go to church and we got married early and that is what we did. We missed a lot of services but then we had Jon and we... well we missed a lot when he was first born. We were so tired all the time. But eventually we found a good church and with Patrick and the Laura... we got faithful and fell back into the family traditions we were raised with. Even though you were raised that way, you guys all get married and have kids so late I really do fear you will miss the benefits.

Quick reasons to go to church:
1. It gives you ONE discipline in your life. As a Becker we do not have many. Showing up one hour a week to pause, nominally for the purpose of showing respect to a just and merciful God is good for you.

2. It gives you an hour with your own thoughts, even (and sometimes especially if you are just going through the motions). I tend to think some of my biggest and most generous thoughts when lodged in a church pew listening to a bad choir or a boring sermon.

3. Over time you build a community of friends and supporters who will pick you up when you fall, in all kinds of ways.

4. A good church gives you organized consistent opportunities to serve other people which is one of the biggest keys to happiness and good brain chemistry.

There are a lot more reasons then this to go to Church but this is something I wanted to get down... while i was watching my TCU Horn Frogs under perform against Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl.