The Importance Of Place

April 30, 2017

Sooo...my children.  By this time you all feel like my children and your mother and I are very blessed.  Jon, Lydia, Pat, Kyle, Laura and Jon… and soom to be a grandchild.  Perhaps the first of many, perhaps just the first but no matter what a blessing.  Life has been so kind to us so far and although I dont really feel like I have anything to share with you with these notes… some things occurr to me when I realize how important they have been in formulating whatever it is that I am.  Maslows hierarchy of need is just so true and as all the basic needs are met it allowed me to at least think about how to be better.  How to become more fully actualized… how to lead a life that is meaningful, at least to me.

I think I have written before of the formative effects of church and community and the shaping… glacial… evolutoionary shaping that comes from hearing the Gospel almost every week of my coherent (unless I was hung over) life.  I think, and if I have not covered these things I apologize, I focused on that community aspect which is huge and which leaves me thinking today about the importance of place.

Even the easiest of lives is hard.  It is hard to keep your shit together.  It is hard to find meaning and purpose.  It is hard to make sense of things especially when you realize your brokeneness.  You realize that you are just barely making it.  Barely holding on.  Living on the edge, but you dont even know the edge of what.  So what has helped me and I think helps a lot of people who survive and thrive is place… the importance of place.  Where are you?  Where do you have to go?  What are your places?  You are always somewhere but being aware of your place, and being present there… it means something.

"In community building, the third place (or thirdspace) is the social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home ("first place") and the office ("second place"). Examples of third places would be environments such as cafes, clubs, public libraries, or parks."

Third place - Wikipedia

Here is a good article explaining the concept:

http://www.embracetheplace.com/wp-content/themes/EtP%20Theme/docs/3thirdplaces.pdf

I dont know which one to start with but there are a couple which have made a difference in my life.  A couple of places which have shetlered me, sustained me and… well, kept me.  

Home

Work

Church

Camp Arcadia

Bars

Those are the ones I can think of, but so what and why?  

I think Home needs to be the most important one because home is where you spend at least ⅓ of your life.  Sleeping, eating and being family...stuck together family...living together family, messy family.  Family can be hard but somehow, so far, we made home a good place.  Now I am speaking for me personally.  Not your mother and certainly not any of you but for me, most of the time home was a safe place where I could regroup, rest, and even if “busy” go out refreshed and ready to face the world.  Sometimes your mom and I would be having issues.  Sometimes we would not speak of them and they...festered. But for the most part, at least in my memory we worked through stuff in a way that we respected each other and tried to keep a house where the other could be safe emotionally and otherwise.  Mistakes were made.  We tried, and sometimes failed but we tried to be nice to one another and you guys seemed to pick up on that either through instinct or fear>  There were a few years before Pat and mom figured out that they were Pat and mom that were tough to come home and there were certainly times when I didnt like who I was and didnt want to come home but...generally, home was safe and home was a touchstone.  It was Our home.  It was my home.  I had a say in the rules and how things got done.  Not always the biggest say, but I had a partner in your mother who always tried to make decisions based on what she judged I would like AND what she judged would be good for me.  Fortunately for me, she was pretty good at it. Then, eventually home became a place to gather, enjoy each other... do family shots!

Church

Bars

Work

Camp Arcadia

St. Louis

What I am saying is that you need a number of places.  The reason you need more than one is that sometimes one of your places is not working.  Sometimes one place that was safe and was nurturing becomes… tainted.  During those times you need to withdraw to others.  To keep yourself strong and to think and evaluate what is going wrong or what went wrong at one of your other places.  It is hard to figure out how you might be able to fix it unless you have a place where you are loved, where you are accepted… to make it work. St. Louis is not a bad place... or a good place but for now it is my place and perhaps still our place, but eventually, our place is going to be wherever you are or whoever you want us to be.

Making Spaghetti

Soooo...Important things...Spaghetti.  Cooking food is important.  If you can learn to cook a few things for a group of people you can bring people together and it feels...religious in a lot of ways.  Everyone likes to eat good food.  People like it even more when they don't have to cook (especially women) and generally everyone loves to be served.  For men it is kind of an expectation that you will learn to master the grill.  This is bullshit macho stuff but learn how to cook a steak and make a burger and perhaps bratwurst and if you can figure out how to Bar B Q boneless chicken bread without it being dry as dirt, you are a better man than I am.

I like to cook.  None of you seem to have the propensity (maybe Laura) but you should at least (even in this carryout culture) develop the ability to cook a few things when you entertain, if nothing else to take the pressure off of your spouse.  For this purpose I give you "spaghetti".  Learn how to cook it and add a loaf of decent bread and simple salad and you have this thing we call dinner.

1.  Find A Sauce:  For years I just made it with Ragu.  It is cheap and widely available.  I would add a  can of Busch to it and perhaps some garlic and an onion but... there are so many good sauces now i recommend you ask someone at a store or Italian market what their favorite is and sample a few.  I have fallen in love with "3 Brothers".  You can buy it at Vivianos.  It is a little sweeter than I think I formerly liked but it is well seasoned and does not need to be doctored.  That being said, cut up half an onion and press a clove or two of garlic in it because garlic and onion always make everything better.


2.  Get some noodles.  I have tried all kinds of specialty pasta.  For spaghetti you don't need it.  Buy cheap pasta, whatever the store brand is.  Don't go too thin with the angel hair but for spaghetti you don't need to buy craft pasta or make your own.

3.  Get some protein.  I recommend spicy salsizza from Vivianos on The Hill but really any italian sausage is fine.  If you cannot find that feel free to use hamburger but no matter what protein you use, fry it up in a black cast iron skillet and really car maize the meet.  When it starts to brown cut up 1/2 a white onion with it.

http://www.vivianosmarket.com/grocery.html

4.  Get some kick ass Reggiano Parmesan.  I am sure there are better and worse Parmesan's but the grocery store alway has decent ones now.  Get a small block of it and grate it out fine or buy some decent park that has been grated for you but in all cases try and stay away from Kraft and store brands and that poisonous powder stuff.


So, heat the sauce. If there is sauce stuck in the jar put a mouthful of beer in the jar and swish it around.  Bring to a boil quickly and then set on lowest possible heat.  Consider cutting up 1/2 an onion and another pressed clove of garlic in it.  Stir it occasionally but pretty much leave it alone.  Minimum 1/2 hour simmering.

Brown the meat and as I said, caramelize it thoroughly.  Add the onion and garlic after it is starting to brown and I recommend a heat slightly higher than medium.  Once thoroughly browned set it aside and cook your pasta.

I am a shitty pasta cook.  I always mis-estimate how many noodles we need.  Your mother believes that since it is so inexpensive that you should always make the whole package so... get a large pot (the noodles will overwhelm anything else) and bring the water to a high rolling boil.  Throw in a small handful of kosher salt.  Cook it at least 20 minutes.  Start tasting it for toughness after 15 minutes.

When spaghetti is done, drain it in a collendar and rinse it with cold water.  dump it in a large bow and dump about 1/2 of the sauce on it and mix it thoroughly.  Put the meat, the pasta and the rest of the sauce on the table in separate containers to be passed.  Passing is an essential part of eating.  Even though we never had a problem with talking it forces a certain amount of conversation and that is key.  This is easy and it can be fun.  You can do it in an hour to an hour and a half.